Satanic Panic --a review

Satanic Panic fills me with nostalgia for two reasons: first, it’s a movie that’s been produced by Fangoria, the horror movie magazine that’s made a triumphant return recently (and welcome back); and second, it’s a horror comedy, which I haven’t seen since the heyday of Fango back in the 1980s. To be sure, there were plenty of horror films with humorous moments, and more than a few really bad horror films that were unintentionally funny, but it’s rare to get a full-bore horror film--complete with blood and guts--that also serves a healthy dose of satire, as well.

Satanic Panic takes aim at the greedy top one percent in our beloved capitalist society, stating outright that the reason they’re so rich and powerful (as well as being cold, soulless bastards) is because they worship Satan, and Old Scratch apparently takes very good care of his followers. The major catch is a human sacrifice must be made every now and then, and Danica (Rebecca Romijn), the leader of the cult, already had her daughter Judi (Ruby Modine) set up to be sacrificed--until Judi ruined things by sleeping with her boyfriend (the ritual only works if the person being sacrificed is a virgin).

Along comes pizza delivery girl Samantha (endearingly played by Hayley Griffith), who’s been ripped off of her tip from a large order and is wandering around the mansion, seeking compensation when she stumbles onto the Satanic meeting. And once the cult discovers that Samantha is a virgin, the sacrificial ritual is back on! Huzzah! What follows is a fun cat and mouse chase that’s ably helmed by Chelsea Stardust in her feature film debut as a director. Satanic Panic manages to be a funny rift on Satanic movies while still taking its main threat seriously. The comedy doesn’t fall too far into slapstick, nor does it take over the whole tone of the film.

Danica is a quite capable (and scary) menace, thanks to Romijn’s strong performance. Yet the script still has Danica fending off know-it-all underling Gypsy Neumieir (an equally good Arden Myrin) in a funny subplot that deals with who would make a better leader for the cult. This not only makes for some great comedy, but it also humanizes the characters. People with a delicate constitution should be warned that, despite being funny, Satanic Panic doesn’t hold back on the horror elements of its story, including the gore. Satanic Panic is an enjoyably funny horror film whose heart is in the right place, even when it’s being held up as an offering. --SF

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