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Satanic -- a review

The Scooby Gang never had to deal with this crap!

Satanic is one of those “see, I can act” movies. It’s a movie that features an actor or actress from a long-running TV show who wants to demonstrate that they can do something other than the same part they’ve been playing for years. In this case, it’s Sarah Hyland, the star of this flick who has played Haley Dunphy on the sitcom Modern Family (a series which I have not seen and, to be blunt, don’t really feel the need to see). I’m not bashing Miss Hyland for wanting to try something different--far from it, she’s to be commended for stretching her acting wings. And while I can’t compare her performance here with her work on Modern Family, I liked her performance in Satanic, where she does a superb job at playing the sympathetic “good girl” role in this horror film, sort of like Jamie Lee Curtis in Halloween.

If only Satanic was as good as Halloween. Hyland stars as Chloe, who’s on a tour of Los Angles murder sites with her boyfriend David (Steven Kruger), cousin Elise (Clara Mamet) and her boyfriend Seth (Jason Chon) before they hit Coachella (oh, these whacky kids!). The murder sites they chose to visit all have a cult vibe to them, including the infamous site where Sharon Tate and others were killed by Charles Manson’s followers. Bedding down in the hotel room where a woman committed suicide (a fictional cult case created for the film) the kids soon encounter an actual cult in the hills outside of LA. Jinkies!


Oh, c'mon, what could possibly go wrong?

Part of the problem with Satanic is that it takes a while for the story to get rolling, while in the meantime we’re stuck looking at these overwrought narcissists doing extremely stupid things just to serve the thin plot. Chasing after cult members to their secret meeting spot in the deep woods just to see what they’re doing is not just stupid, it’s downright crazy. But that’s exactly what Chloe and her friends do, with their excuse being nothing more than they’re bored. They’re bored? Really? Then they should consider doing something less dangerous than deliberately tangling with cultists, like maybe skydiving.

Even when the story finally gets rolling, about midway (too late) into the film, Satanic winds up being nothing more than a collection of angst-ridden scenes that leads to a predictable ending. The young cast is very good, as is the film’s production values, which makes the most of its locations. But, in the end, Satanic commits the worst crime of most bad horror movies in that it’s not very scary. Fans of Modern Family who want to check this out should brace themselves for violent scenes containing gore. Miss Hyland should keep spreading her wings as an actress, for she has a strong screen presence that I wouldn’t mind seeing in other, better movies. --SF










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